What a big let down

One thing that I always try to avoid is falling for somebody. I hate crushes. However, because I had been pretty much in love with the same guy since 2003, I hadn’t really had a crush in a long time. That was fine by me. I don’t know how to read signs that a person likes you, so therefore, I either assume somebody likes me and get all disturbed because I don’t feel the same, or I fall for the person who I think likes me. I have never had a successful “crush” on anybody, where I liked them and then they liked me. My ex doesn’t count because we pretty much started dating from day one. The last major crush I had, was on a guy my freshman year of college and by the time that told him about it, it was to late. After that I vowed to never have a crush on anybody again. It worked for the longest time… until now.

I don’t know when I started liking this person really. I tried to remember when this “crush” happened and I can’t pinpoint an exact moment that I realized that this guy could make or break my day. How long have I known him? Oh, for about 2 years. I think early 2008 was when I first met this guy and ironically, when he first came into the picture, all the girls who saw him were fawning over him, and I thought they were being silly. Even the older ladies that knew him were all excited when he would come in dressed in a tighter shirt or anything like that. I just rolled my eyes and told them that they were being dumb. I can’t even recall if I saw him a lot back then because I honestly didn’t pay attention.

And then early November, something seemed to happen because all of a sudden I started paying attention to him. I realized that he made me laugh and that he was a really nice guy. We had a blast joking around all the time, and I noticed that I started actually caring about my appearance around him when before I hadn’t. Did I know that I liked him? Not really. I just wanted attention, male attention. I missed having a guy notice me or pay attention to me, and here was a guy who was doing both of those and one that I actually felt comfortable with. We talked quite a bit and the more I learned, the more I liked. And then January rolled around, and I realized that I had completely fallen for this guy and to my surprise, I thought he liked me too! Actually, I admit that at first I thought he hated me. He would be quite a jerk, blow me off completely, etc. and then he went back to being really flirty and nice. I was 100% positive that he liked me. I was ready to bank on it and I was so happy! After yesterday with the eye contact, him watching me, the convo, etc. I was convinced that it was just a short matter of time before the next step.

However, today all that hope went crashing to the ground. All the ways he was “flirting” with me, he was doing it with somebody else. All the signs that I took as him liking me, he threw at somebody else. As the time ticked on, my heart just fell more and more, and I realized that I was wrong. This guy that I really liked, didn’t like me back. It was just me getting my hopes up. I could feel myself getting angrier and angrier, not at him, but at me. Mad at myself for thinking that this guy liked me. I won’t see him again for a week so maybe by then I’ll be over it but man, I really liked him. And that is rare because I am super picky when it comes to guys, and the fact that this guy sparked my interest… I dunno. What a let down.

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Terrible Thursday

Today was one of those days that I should have stayed in bed. All day. There was not a single moment that I did not regret getting out of my bed!

First off, I just got super annoyed in my 8am class. I am in my last semester and you have to present a senior review at the end of the semester so one of our big projects in my class is a poster for this event. Awesome, right? Well yea, until the specifics got mentioned and it seems that instead of focusing on the senior class, its going to focus on the brand new conference center that the school built (where the thing is being held). So the poster has to include this building in there or a reference to the grand opening. I am just so irked, this is supposed to be about US, not THEM. The more he talked, the more pissed off I became. I could feel the steam rising inside me. I am super surprised I didn’t explode.

Second off, I went to work at 3pm and I got thrown on meat and backline. Did I mention, ever, that I hate that position? I knew within 5 minutes that work was going to suck, and it did. I just cannot stand this spot because it makes me feel like I am not an asset anywhere in the store and usually the dumb and incompetent get thrown in that area. I don’t care if the person there was done at 3 and I was the only person starting at 3. Do. Not. Care. haha Move somebody else 🙁 Meh. Okay so, then 5pm rolls around and my former favorite manager starts working and wow, have you ever been around somebody and the vibe is just so uncomfortable that you just feel very ackward and cannot perform at your best? Yea. I am sure if vibe’s could kill, I’d have been evaporated. I am pretty sure he hates me now because I have not felt this vibe with anybody outside of the old first assistant who also hated me. I wish I knew what his problem is but last time I got all frusterated and yelled out, “Hey you (not really you, but his name), do you hate me?” of course he acted all shocked that I thought that but hey, if the pants fit…

Third, it started raining about 4pm. Its January. In Wisconsin. 1+1+1 = ICE. I was so afraid that when I got done at 7pm, my car was going to be in an ice cube, but it wasn’t. There were a few slippery spots on my apartment road, but otherwise the roads were fine. What wasn’t fine was the ice rink that we like to call the parking lot/sidewalks. I was walking like a 115 year old lady, taking itty bitty steps, when all of a sudden without any warning, my feet flew out from under me. I swear it happened in slow motion, but I closed my eyes and my arm behind me to catch me and BAMB. Oh my gosh, it hurt so bad. My right wrist feels sort of ouchy and I am pretty sure I bruised my butt. For a moment I thought I broke my wrist because my right arm was throbbing terribly when I got up. I just wanted to sit there and cry for 30 minutes or so but my pride was already damaged enough.

Fourth, the Breaking Benjamin/Three Days Grace concert was tonight. AND I MISSED IT. And Shinedown is coming around here in two weeks and nobody wants to go with me. My life is so full of fail. It also is pretty sad that 95% of the people I talk to don’t even know who Shinedown/Breaking Benjamin/TDG are. Oh woe is me.

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Final Semester!

Tomorrow is the first day of my last semester in school. I can start getting teary eyed now right? Actually, I am not sad at all. I feel like I have been in school forever, and I have. If only I had stayed in graphic design in the first place, I would have been done already and maybe would not be living in a 300sq foot studio apartment? Maybe.

I need to make myself a big noticeable sign above my computer monitor that says, “NENA, DO YOUR SOCIOLOGY!” because I know I am going to forget and that will not be good. I am taking it online and I already have the syllibus, so all I have to do really is make a chart that says when the quizzes are and the papers are due, and post them where I can see them. This is the only class I am nervous about. I do not do well in classes that require textbook reading, which is really funny considering that a long time ago I wanted to be a doctor, vet, psychologist and go into business marketing.

Do I ever regret not going in any of those fields? Sometimes. I wanted to be in a career where I could help people, but I get easily distracted and it was really hard for me to focus in class. I don’t know why but I really can’t concentrate very well, and then I just zone out and get annoyed when I have to sit in a classroom listening to people drone on and one for more then a few minutes. This is also why I took Sociology online, I don’t have to sit in a lecture! My brain is weird, I admit it. Oh well…

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