What a big let down

One thing that I always try to avoid is falling for somebody. I hate crushes. However, because I had been pretty much in love with the same guy since 2003, I hadn’t really had a crush in a long time. That was fine by me. I don’t know how to read signs that a person likes you, so therefore, I either assume somebody likes me and get all disturbed because I don’t feel the same, or I fall for the person who I think likes me. I have never had a successful “crush” on anybody, where I liked them and then they liked me. My ex doesn’t count because we pretty much started dating from day one. The last major crush I had, was on a guy my freshman year of college and by the time that told him about it, it was to late. After that I vowed to never have a crush on anybody again. It worked for the longest time… until now.

I don’t know when I started liking this person really. I tried to remember when this “crush” happened and I can’t pinpoint an exact moment that I realized that this guy could make or break my day. How long have I known him? Oh, for about 2 years. I think early 2008 was when I first met this guy and ironically, when he first came into the picture, all the girls who saw him were fawning over him, and I thought they were being silly. Even the older ladies that knew him were all excited when he would come in dressed in a tighter shirt or anything like that. I just rolled my eyes and told them that they were being dumb. I can’t even recall if I saw him a lot back then because I honestly didn’t pay attention.

And then early November, something seemed to happen because all of a sudden I started paying attention to him. I realized that he made me laugh and that he was a really nice guy. We had a blast joking around all the time, and I noticed that I started actually caring about my appearance around him when before I hadn’t. Did I know that I liked him? Not really. I just wanted attention, male attention. I missed having a guy notice me or pay attention to me, and here was a guy who was doing both of those and one that I actually felt comfortable with. We talked quite a bit and the more I learned, the more I liked. And then January rolled around, and I realized that I had completely fallen for this guy and to my surprise, I thought he liked me too! Actually, I admit that at first I thought he hated me. He would be quite a jerk, blow me off completely, etc. and then he went back to being really flirty and nice. I was 100% positive that he liked me. I was ready to bank on it and I was so happy! After yesterday with the eye contact, him watching me, the convo, etc. I was convinced that it was just a short matter of time before the next step.

However, today all that hope went crashing to the ground. All the ways he was “flirting” with me, he was doing it with somebody else. All the signs that I took as him liking me, he threw at somebody else. As the time ticked on, my heart just fell more and more, and I realized that I was wrong. This guy that I really liked, didn’t like me back. It was just me getting my hopes up. I could feel myself getting angrier and angrier, not at him, but at me. Mad at myself for thinking that this guy liked me. I won’t see him again for a week so maybe by then I’ll be over it but man, I really liked him. And that is rare because I am super picky when it comes to guys, and the fact that this guy sparked my interest… I dunno. What a let down.

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