Never, Ever Tell

No matter how much you are upset about something, no matter how hurt/mad you are, by all means keep it to yourself at all costs.

That is what I learned this weekend. I am going to be vague on details because of this very reason so forgive me if it doesn’t make any sense. Yesterday a person that I am/was friends with had a graduation party. Considering that I had known about this graduation party for close to two weeks, and have been very much set on attending said party since the day I was invited, the only thing I had to worry about was being healthy enough to go. On Thanksgiving weekend, I came down with kidney stones and let me tell you, they hurt like nothing I have ever experienced before in my entire life. Okay, so maybe I had experienced a pain almost as bad about 3 1/2 years ago around the same area but still. Okay back to the story.

The person that was having the graduation party told me a week ago that my former best friend was going to be at the event. I was fine with that, I mean, we hadn’t talked in close to three weeks and the last time we talked, I thought we had reached a mutual understanding that things were okay.

6pm rolls around and my phone beeps at me. It was a text message from this former best friend telling me not to go to this party. It was worded quite rudely and basically hurt my feelings a lot. I responded back saying that I was going. They kept responding in very angry/rude texts and I kept replying with “I’m sorry you feel this way, but I am going” texts. Needless to say, I was crying because this person used to mean the world to me, and was my best friend for seven years and it still hurts like no other that they go out of their way to hurt my feelings now, even though I have done nothing to them.

9pm comes and I take my taxi to the place where the party is going. My heart is pretty much racing and I am super nervous, I was fully expecting a full blown IBS attack as well as having to leave within a half hour of being there. Anyway, I get there and make my way over to the first familiar face I see. This person I wasn’t particularly close to but it was better then the alternative, which was go to the person who held the party, who was hanging out with my former best friend. I was so nervous, I was shaking, my eyes I guess were huge as saucers and I was very fidgety. The person that I was hanging out with asked me what was wrong. I told them that I was nervous because my former best friend was there and that hours earlier they had told me not to come because I wasn’t wanted at the event. The person didn’t understand what I meant, so I showed them the text. That was apparently the wrong thing to do and if I could take back anything it would be telling this person why I was nervous and the text message.

This said person apparently went and told a few people, including the person holding the event. I never told the person to confront the host. This was not my intention. I was just answering a simple question honestly, and that was the wrong thing to do. Over-all, the night was great. I had a lot of people compliment me on my appearance and I saw a lot of people that I knew, and the former best friend ignored me the whole night except near the end of the night when they gave me a brief smile. Which I find out today must have been a forced smile.

This morning I wake up to a few text messages telling me basically my wrong doings. I drove a lot of people away with one simple mistake and nobody accepts my apology. I feel awful and I am so upset because this all started over a stupid text that my former best friend text me. I don’t know why it bothered me so much, maybe because this person used to actually want me around and cared about me. To find that they didn’t even want me in the same building hurt so much, more then it should have. I hate that my former best friend and I are at this place we are at because we were so close and they were like family to me. I wish I had a time machine, that is for sure.

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